To Resolve or Not to Resolve, that is the question...

Someone recently told me this quote by Junot Diaz, “In order to write the book you want to write, in the end you have to become the person the person you need to become to write that book.”

I love that concept. And I think it’s natural at this time of year to look back at the year that was and look ahead to the year before me and ponder how I'd need to change in order to get what I want to create. I know I always do.

 

Some people like to write New Year’s resolutions. When I asked my friends about this, they said things like, Noooo. No resolutions. YUCK. In my head, I know what I have to do. I don't like writing resolutions. Then I feel like I failed if I don't stick to them. 

 

And, A resolution is more like a wish than a do don't ya think?

 

Then one of them said, The book I'm reading reminds us to live with purpose and create good habits that's kind of the opposite of a resolution.

 

I thought wow, this is in line with my way of thinking about it: that we have to ‘keep good thoughts’ as my grandmother would say, and do the work required to get to where we want to go.

 

A few years ago, I changed the title of my list to ‘Intentions’. The Oxford Dictionary defines ‘Resolution’ as ‘great determination’, and ‘Intention’ as what one intends to do.

 

For my list each year, I write down what I'd like to achieve in the coming months along with something I could tackle about myself. For instance, this year I intend to conquer my fear of public speaking by joining a local Toastmasters club.

 

A couple of years ago, at this time, my critique buddy, Maria Cisneros-Toth, and I came up with a fun idea - to write our goals for 2013 on paper, and put them in a bottle. We called it a mini ‘time capsule’, (to be opened on New Year’s Eve). Maria posted a YouTube video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyjnScr4BHw in which she shared what she’d written the year before and her new set of goals, and shows you how to make your own time capsule.

 

 



 

This is an excerpt from my time capsule of Intentions for 2013 which were all large scale: 1) to score a traditional book publishing deal for Aden Weaver & the Or'in of Tane Mahuta 2) to have Peter Jackson (my idol) turn the first book into a movie 3) to finish Aden Weaver & the Sasori Empire completely.

 

This is an excerpt from my time capsule for 2014 Intentions, which were more modest: 1) to finish Aden Weaver & the Or'in of Tane Mahuta completely 2) to publish it myself.

While my time capsule message for 2015 has one Intention: 1) to finish and publish Aden Weaver & the Or'in of Tane Mahuta!!!

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and admit you’re not quite where you intended to be, while still walking the delicate tightrope between the truth and optimism, as is defined and redefined every year by my New Year’s List of Intentions.

 

Leonardo da Vinci said, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." Ain’t that the truth!

 

 

 

Talk to you in 2015!
 

Yvette K. Carol

 

"This morning I took out a comma, and this afternoon I put it back again." ~ Oscar Wilde

 

 

 



Do You Celebrate the ‘0’ birthdays?

This subject was raised by a writer friend on Facebook recently, and it sparked a great discussion. Her post rued her non-achievement of 'world domination' by 30. I commented to say that I had failed to celebrate turning 30. And I regretted it! I really felt I'd missed an important step. I guess it’s a ritual-type of celebration, and we throw a party to usher in a new era in our life. When I didn’t do anything ‘special’ for my 30th I felt a sense of ‘let-down’ ever afterward. I urged her to celebrate!

I plan to do something special for every ‘0’ birthday from now on. When I turned 40, I celebrated with bells on.

Coincidentally this FB conversation was started after a long year of being 49, when 50 was hurtling upon me like a thundering locomotive down the tracks!

What surprised me was I found this impending moment far more complex emotionally than I’d ever expected. I had to go on a real journey to acceptance of the concept of being ‘that old’.  Luckily the weekend before my birthday, I took the time to write my thoughts down about this milestone. Researchers have proved recently that writing things down is a tremendously effective stress release. I know it to be true for me.

Preparing for my 50th Birthday Dinner

I mulled over my feelings on every run. I remembered how excited my sister had felt when she turned 50. And I remembered the wondrous show Oprah Winfrey did on her 50^th when she talked about feeling more empowered than ever before.

Ready to go!

 

I really liked what Glenn Hefley said in the FB conversation, “Now I'm coming up on fifty. Finally. I'm at a point were the skills I always wanted to have are at my finger tips. And, I have a worthy direction to hurtle my best spears and extend my deepest empathy.... We are such marvelous creatures. Humans, yes, but writers in particular. After all of these centuries, all the changes and the advances -- we're still the only wizards this world has ever had. We are the storytellers. We are the ones who use the words of power to shatter gloom, raise the moon and blind the sun if necessary. We create gods of every sort, one for every taste of the imagination, and every guilty need. With our gods we bend men's backs and wither women' s hands. Then we give them absolution. We show them, even after they have tried to find love, and have been beaten and scarred over and over again, that it is still worth the effort.”

 

I like that a lot. Glenn speaks of the physical and the metaphysical aspects of aging in a way that reminds me everything is okay.

 

I remember I am doubly blessed to be fifty and a writer. There's a new sense of the possibilities that come with age....

 

 

 

Birthday lunch with my sister 





I was trying to explain to my sister and my girlfriends, that though it might sound silly, for some reason the fact that I’ve entered my fifties, I feel I am a grown up. I feel no one can tell me what to do or push me around anymore. I call the shots now. It’s a turning point for sure in my life.

As Maggie Stietfvater so famously said, (also on FB) “I’m more myself with every year.”

This is the way I feel too, however never more so than this year and it's wonder-full.

 

 

After-Birthday lunch with my bestie

Talk to you later, 

Yvette K. Carol

How about you - how do you handle the aging process? Have you celebrated every '0' birthday? Did you ever miss one?

 

 

 

 

“The superior virtue is not to be free but to fight for freedom.” ~ Nikos Kazantzakis





The Shine a Light Campaign!

The Insecure Writer’s Support Group! is a supportive online environment for insecure writers. A big aspect of IWSG is the idea of giving as well as taking. The group organizers 'encourage everyone to visit at least a dozen new blogs and leave a comment. Your words might be the encouragement someone needs.'

In the spirit of this give-and-take code of conduct, I’d like to share a wonderful initiative by a friend of mine. My good friend, author and poet, Catherine Johnson came up with a brilliant idea recently called the Shine a Light campaign.

“I’ve decided to start a blog campaign on Mondays with your help using a hashtag like #shinealight to spotlight deeds of kindness/help.  If you hear of a story where someone did something to help someone else feel free to cover a story on your blog and use the hashtag #shinealight on Twitter.” ~ C.J.

 

My Shine a Light story takes us back in time a few years. It is about my grandmother, Nan Hefferan, who lived a life of impeccable service to others.

Nan gave to others her entire life. She served as a barrister in her small town in England and was known for ‘being fair’. She also held the position of County Borough Organizer for the Women’s Voluntary Service and was known for ‘being involved in many charitable works’. The charity initiative for which she became widely known however was the ‘Trolley Shop’. It was her idea to take simple items the rest of us take for granted like combs, and pantyhose, and fruit into the Workhouses on a wheeled ‘shop’, which my grandfather built by repurposing their old tea trolley.

Nan told me that the first time she and her women took the trolley shop, otherwise known as ‘meals on wheels’ into one of the Workhouses, it was an instant success. They had been through the entire complex of buildings, when Nan realized that the man in charge was hurrying her and her posse of WVS past the mentally infirm and disabled ward. Nan stopped him and insisted the mentally infirm and disabled inmates must be given their turn to ‘shop’ as well. “They have just as much right as anyone else in the Workhouse.”

 

Upon the door opening to the mental ward, Nan said she froze when a large woman lumbered across the room towards her. Though terrified, my five-foot-tall grandmother stood her ground. The woman drew up before Nan and reached up to stroke Nan’s face. “Nice,” the woman said and smiled.

 

And that was the start of the WVS Trolley Service into the Workhouses—the mentally disabled wings included. This simple idea alleviated the dire lives of countless poverty-stricken and disadvantaged folk.

I really admire my grandmother's spirit of regarding all people as equal. Even those our society has long sought to discard. A humble magnet on her fridge spoke of her life's ethic, a bible verse of just two words: “Be kind.”  

 

 

Have you witnessed a random display of kindness lately? Do you feel inspired by other people’s acts of charity? Know people who are givers rather than takers? Have you got a ‘Shine a Light’ story? Please share.

 

‘A man is only truly ethical when he obeys the compulsion to help all life he is able to assist. And shrinks from injuring anything that lives.’ ~ Albert Schweitzer

 

Talk to you later,

Yvette K. Carol

 

~~

The Insecure Writer’s Support Group Guide to Publishing and Beyond – Available Now!

Posted: 01 Dec 2014 06:52 AM PST

Just in time for IWSG post week and Christmas - The Insecure Writer’s Support Group Guide to Publishing and Beyond is available for downloading. Thanks to everyone who contributed – it is packed with information! Please help us spread the word about this awesome book.

How Do We Get Boys To Read?

The subject of boys reading is close to my heart, primarily because as a youngster coming up, I watched my brother’s painful struggles learning to read. Dad sat up with him every night - Dad read one page, my brother another and so on. I empathised with my brother. Books and the joy of reading formed the background to my childhood experience. It seemed such a shame to me that he missed out.

 

With my own three boys, teaching them to read, and sharing the love of reading with them has been a top priority.

 

 

          The wonderful writer Michael Morpurgo said recently, ‘The findings of the National Literacy Trust's report into boys' reading are announced today. It reveals again that boys are falling behind in reading and that attitudes to reading between boys and girls are widening even further.’ 

            Isn't that sad?

 

I remember hearing a story about Frana Cardno, mayor of Southland District Council in New Zealand. When Frana first lobbied for a library in her area, apparently the response from the “mainly macho community where most decisions were made over a beer in the Working Men’s Club”, was this classic line: “What do you need books for?”

 

I like to think we've come a long way since the '70's but then I am an optimist. 

 

The research shows we still have a way to go. In a post by Tricia Lowther, recently, Lowther wrote, The 2012 report by the Boys Reading Commission, (BRC), compiled by the National Literacy Trust, reports that at age seven, there’s a gender gap of 7 percentage points in the proportion of pupils reaching the expected level in reading, and the numbers rise slightly with age.

 

 

 

So, how do we get boys to read? And feel good about it? In recent times, some folks in marketing and advertising have tried to encourage boys by coming up with the idea to label books for ‘boys’ or ‘girls’. But I’m not sure segregating titles would make any difference. It's not getting to the root of the problem.

In the ensuing backlash to the gender marketing, The Let Books Be Books campaign asks children’s publishers to take the ‘Boys’ and ‘Girls’ labels off books. Reminder: when we say "Books for boys," we set a default as books and reading are girl activities. We reinforce social expectations. As journalist and children’s author Bel Mooney said in a radio discussion on marketing books as ‘boys’ or ‘girls’; “The imagination does not have a gender.”

 

            I agree completely. Getting boys reading is such a complex issue, and I'm not an expert, I can only go by my own experience.

 

When my middle son, Samuel, was born with Down Syndrome, my brother-in-law said that the British Research Association had come out with findings that suggested the more you stimulated a baby’s senses from 0-3 years old, the greater the child’s intelligence. I gathered a big box full of different sensory devices for Sam: shells, feathers, pumice, stones, wood, and metal. I engaged him in water play, sandpits, gardening, painting, playdough, clay modelling, listening to music, and watching educational videos. I consistently worked to stimulate his senses. 

 

 

Most of my energy though went into reading to him. Sam and I visited the library every week, when I’d allow him free reign to choose as many books as he liked (up to the limit of 30). Then I would read the enormous pile to him every single day until we went back to the library for a new pile. When my brother-in-law met Sam again, at eleven months old, my BIL said, “He’s changed. The light has come on in his eyes.” And he was right.

 

 

To my delight, Sam has become an avid reader. He was first in his class to read independently, and despite there being three age levels in his room, Sam is the best reader in class.

What do you need books for? How about to switch on the light in a disabled boy’s eyes, a singular event that has altered the course of his education for the better, therefore his whole life.

 

 

“There clearly is a myth about boys and reading as so many people seem to think that the gender gap in reading is bigger than it is, but research shows that the number one factor that determines your reading ability is how often your parents read out loud to you and the number of books in your house.” ~ Jennifer Dyer

 

What do we need books for? What's the best way to encourage boys to read? What do you think?

 

 

Keep reading!

Till next time,

Yvette K. Carol

Introverted Writers Unite?

                    In accordance with the guidelines of the Insecure Writers Support Group, where writers share their insecurities and thoughts, I’m writing my post to coincide with the first Wednesday of the month.

It seems fitting that my next post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group is about being an introvert. Couple that least-admired trait with being a writer, and you’ve got a double whammy of ‘anti-social’ stink-bombs. I’d advise you don’t invite me to parties. I’m just sayin’....

SeanBeaudoin says, Writing is mentally taxing, emotionally exhausting, and requires a rare and unusual skill set: namely the ability to keep doing it long after all your friends and family have stopped believing in you and spend the majority of every Christmas vacation asking when you’re going to get a real job.

One real advantage to being an introvert is that I do have the ability to keep going long after family has stopped believing in me, in great abundance. An introvert’s secret power is that I self-refer first and foremost in every situation.



According to the book called, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, by Marti Laney, Psy.D. only about 25% of the people in the world are Introverts. In my former innocence, I’d imagined we shared this world 50/50 with the extroverts. It came as a bit of a shock to find I’m in the minority. But it sure explains a few things!

Laney states that, Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.

 

So for this reason, we introverts need less exposure to people, public situations, noise, social events, to gain all the information we need to be able to retreat again and process it. This fine sifting process I do once I’m alone comes in handy when I’m writing because I have easy access to those thoughts and memories, about feelings and thoughts and images needed for spinning tales of fiction.

           And yet...most people are still none too keen on my kind.

           Paul Ingraham says, If you act too good for small talk and pretentiously lunge for more “profound” conversations, or avoid any topic that isn’t important enough for your majesty, the only people who will be impressed are other socially inept critters with their own delusions of intellectual grandeur.

           See what I mean?

From the positive point of view, I think that most of the traits of an introvert lean themselves towards the career of being an author: skills of quiet observation, contemplation, and the ability to truly apply ourselves productively to time alone.

Carl King wrote a famous article called 10 Myths about Introverts, which caused a lot of flak at the time because some people took exception to items on the list. I enjoyed the list especially Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Carl says, Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd.

I think it’s for this reason that introverts like myself are able to hack it as writers. We can handle the isolation and very happily exist in a workplace of one for the duration.

But that ability makes us cool not weird. 

Me, at 25, a self-portrait

 

The wonderful author, Maggie Stiefvater said in a Facebook post last month, ‘In conclusion, my life gets better every year. I’m happier now than I was at 25, and I thought I was happy then. I am more myself every year.’

Now there’s something to aspire to - to be more myself every year!

So, I say, I’m an introvert and I’m proud.

I want to be confident of who I am, however I am and stop judging myself as less than anyone else. We all have a place in this world.

 

How about you, are you more yourself with every year? If you’re an introvert, are you embracing it?

 

See ya’ in the funny papers,

Yvette. K. Carol

 

“Be that which you really are: don’t pretend to be that which you are not.” ~ Swami Rama