Tuesday 6 January 2015

What do you really need?


 

This post was written to coincide with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group where we share our insecurities on the first Wednesday of the month. In time for the IWSG post day, I’ve been contemplating the fragility and uncertainty of life. Last week a friend died. I’m attending the funeral along with family and friends tomorrow. Tonight, as I try to gather my thoughts for a blog post, I find myself quite naturally thinking about the matter of life and death.

 
Some of my family is Maori, and today, we discussed the differences in the cultural ways of sending off loved ones to the other side. The Maori spend a week talking about the deceased and also spending time with the body. My nephew said, ‘that’s how you sometimes get to know the person really well, because you hear stories you’ve never heard before.’ And my niece said, ‘We, Maori, walk with death every day.’
 
This reminded me of my spiritual mentor, Erin Lees, telling us one time ‘that the Ngwhals say death is right over your shoulder, that’s how close it is. There is no time to waste. There is no guarantee. Therefore, one of the questions to contemplate, is what do you really need?’

I started to wonder... what do I really need?

The writer, Leo Buscaglia wrote, ‘Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey into the afterlife. The first question was, "Did you bring joy?" The second was, "Did you find joy?"’

This idea really fascinated me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I find joy in my writing, and I (hopefully) bring joy through my writing as well.
 
Which touches on a conversation we held on Facebook last week, where a friend wrote: I once read a study that January 3rd is the most depressing day of the year because the holidays are over and now there's nothing but 3 months of winter to get through.’

I responded: ‘That's what I love about writing fiction. We get to create happiness where there was none!’
 
 
And that was where the self-doubt crept in.... Why did I say that? I haven’t published a book yet. For one reason or another, I’ve managed to get to 50 years old without putting a single fictional story into print. My goal to get a book published has been transferred from one intention list to the next on Jan 31st for years upon years in a row.
 
The Japanese say perseverance is a form of genius...but perseverance without ever reaching the end zone starts to feel like a form of self-delusion. I feel life is going by so fast - I need to hustle to get onto the ‘bringing joy’ part that is so important. How does one reconcile one's intention with reality? Any thoughts or ideas you have on this subject and those touched on above would be welcome!!
 
 
 
Talk to you later,
 
Yvette K. Carol
 
 
We have to be honest about what makes us tick, what makes us different; and then we have to have the courage to share it with others. ~  C. S. Plocher
 

 

14 comments:

  1. You will get there! Just mark out the steps you need to take and begin making them. Remember much is out of your control, but if you keep submitting, and responding to feedback where you get it, you will do it!

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    1. What lovely words, Hart. Thank you for commenting. This year, I really do feel I need to get to grips with the next steps in a far more concrete, realistic way. Instead of ephemeral goals (on top of the usual, get my first book published chestnut), in 2015, I aim to conquer the realm of self-publishing!

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  2. I agree with Hart. So much is out of our control, Yvette. When acceptance of this happens, we begin to seek happiness and content with the small things, the things we accomplish in a daily basis. I recently flew to Chicago for a funeral of a friend. During the five days away, I realized life is so short and it can disappear in an instant. Normally I would be mortified at my thoughts, but instead, I thought, now is the time. Make the most of what I have, at this moment. Anything I accomplish outside of this moment is a bonus. Hugs, friend. You'll get there. ;)

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    1. Thanks, babe. Yes, I knew you'd flown to the side of your friend whose partner had died. Now, that a friend here has died it's made me realize that having someone pass over at this time of year in particular, when everything is beginning, gives their death more poignancy somehow. In fact, I'm just attending to my correspondence quickly now before going down to help set up for the funeral.
      Your words are very wise and comforting. So, thank you, Candi. In this moment right now I know I have accomplished much - not my ultimate dream - however, I have accomplished a lot. That's what I need to focus on, not what I haven't yet achieved.

      Thanks again. Bless! :-)

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  3. I truly believe the act of writing is its own reward. I've never felt better or more alive. :-)

    You made a comment about my number of visitors. I always leave a link and I think it helps. Thanks for dropping by :-)

    Anna from Shout with Emaginette

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    1. Ah, is that your secret. Thanks for the tip, Anna!
      I love what you said about the writing itself. I know exactly what you mean - it's incredible!! :-)

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  4. I was going to say I've thought about death a lot because I've lost so many... but truth is I didn't lose them. I'm just not sure where they went. For all I know they could be back here as someone else by now. Death is a mystery that changes you in good and bad ways, depending. I love and I don't love writing. It's like a friend and an annoying family member all rolled into one. Yvette, I was 55 before I had my first book published. It just means that we're late bloomers. Probably because we may be around for longer than we expected. Haha, I'm talking out of my butt. Happy New Year.

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    1. Oh wow, I didn't know you were also my age before you managed to break through, Joylene. Thank you for telling me that! All is not lost, in other words. :-) No butt talk around here, I enjoyed your response enormously.

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  5. Your post has really made me think. I'd like to bring joy to someone as well in any way, but definitely through my writing. Even if it's just a laugh or a smile or a sigh, I'd really love for someone to be moved in some way. And I guess, like you said, that won't even happen until I publish and finally get it out to readers. And I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm so very sorry about the loss of your friend. I hope you have a great 2015 and that you reach all of your goals.
    Ninja Girl

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    1. Ninja girl, bless your cotton socks, as my grandmother used to say. Thank you for your sympathy! I just got back from the funeral and reception and dinner about an hour ago, and it's like I'm in a different world. The emotion has exhausted me. So it's been lovely to come online and find responses to my blog and very thoughtful, compassionate responses at that.

      I'm glad my post made you think. Sometimes it pays to step back and think about the difficult things.

      I wish you all the luck in the world with your writing :-)

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  6. I like those two questions about joy. I'm so glad you've found joy through your writing and I'm sure you've found joy in many others things in life. As far as "Did you bring joy?" I'm surprised you don't even realize how much joy you've already brought to people through your writing. You don't have to publish a novel to bring joy. Your words of kindness and inspiration are all over the internet, girl! You're bringing joy to others day in and day out. Including me!

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Yvette. One thing I've learned about life is, joy and sorrow go hand in hand. I hope your friend is resting in peace. Hugs and prayers to you and your friend's family.

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  7. Wow, what a wonder-full thought, Lynn. I never thought of 'bringing joy' like that before. I have become so fixated on getting a book published that it's become the 'be all and end all' of my life. I couldn't see your point, no. But I'm going to think about it that way now! Thank you. :-)

    And yes, I feel the same way about the two questions. It's so simple!

    Thank you... deaths and funerals always bring times of great contemplation on the big questions. Amma, the hugging saint, says you can't feel pure joy until you have suffered pain and heartbreak....The stuff of life.

    Bless you sister, and thanks for commenting.

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  8. Your post was such a thoughtful one and got me to thinking as well. I've been to New Zealand and since then have always been intrigued with the Maoris and their customs. I also hope to bring joy, thoughtfulness, a different way of viewing something perhaps to those who read my novels. Girl, get out there and get the story out and about for us to read! I'm older than you, but did get my first novel published and you can to. Just.Do.It. Ha, so much easier said than done! Happy New Year! Bit late from IWSG, but here just the same...!

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  9. Never too late, Lisa! Thank you for commenting. I do appreciate it! Nice goals, I have to say. It somehow strengthens us, I feel, to express our aspirations to other people. Bolsters us, reminds us we're all striving for more and to be better, together. :-)

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